Grain-Fed Beef

Beef Inforgraphic

Deviled eggs and a lost word

Deviled eggs are also known as eggs mimosa in Europe.  They originated in ancient Rome and consist of boiled eggs cut in half and filled with the yolk usually mixed with mayonnaise, mustard and pepper.  Russian eggs are the same with the addition of caviar to the yolk mixture.  Deviled eggs are popular during spring holiday in the U.S. and Europe, and during the summer in southern U.S. where they are renamed ‘dressed’ or ‘salad’ eggs in an effort to avoid the use of the word ‘devil’

The term ‘Deviled’ dates back to the 19^th century to mean an item that is Piquant.  Piquant or piquance is the sensation associated with the taste that is a reaction of the chemicals piperine and/or capsaicin which cause a burning sensation induced by both a taste sensation as well as one that actually raises the temperature of the tissue in the area of skin that comes in contact with such piperine or capsaicin.  This is believed to be associated thru evolution due to the body’s reaction to similar substances present with microbial pathogens.  That is a side note. 

Piquant is a great word!  A short etymological tour thru French, Spanish, and Portuguese and we result in a word that solely sums up the two words we now use, “spicy hot”.  In the past ‘Hot’ has been used with relation to temperature… as in degrees Fahrenheit.  Also ‘spicy’ has been used to describe something that is spiced…. as in a spiced apple pie.  The word ‘piquant’ is used independent of those to describe the sensation as described in the previous paragraph.

Hot chocolate would be chocolate that is over 100 degrees

Hot spicy chocolate would be chocolate that is over 100 degrees and has cinnamon and nutmeg.

Piquant spicy hot chocolate would be chocolate that over 100 degrees and has cinnamon and nutmeg as well as a chipotle chili.

Why did we stop using that word?

How about pizza and a beer?

Since 1957 Budweiser has been the world's best selling beer in terms of both units sold and profitability. Kirin Lager from Japan is the second best selling in terms of units sold.  Interestingly, InBev (the conglomerate who owns Anheuser-Busch) has a 50% stake in Kirin brewing.  There's a huge market for Budweiser overseas because it actually does have exceptionally high quality control standards. Can anyone remember the last time they ordered a Budweiser and something was floating in the bottle (yeast or otherwise)? Or the last time you got one that was skunked?....um, no!  wow, it’s true.

Westvleteren 12 by Westvleteren Abdij St. Sixtus (Belgian Quadrupel) is rated best beer in the world by ‘ratebeer’.  Goose Island Rare Bourbon County Stout is the highest rated domestic beer at number 3.  The Westvleteren 12 will cost you $40 for 1/3 of a liter.  The Goose Island only slightly better at $20 per 12 ounce bottle.

According to the French Culinary Institute the most popular pizza topping in the world is pepperoni.  Upon looking at more than one list I find this true with mushrooms being the most popular non-meat item, and an estimated 70% of the worlds mushroom pizza have canned mushrooms on them.

Domino’s has more outlets per capita in Iceland than any other country.  On that note it seems like Dominos, Pizza Hut and Papa John’s rule the international pizza market with stores on every continent (except Antarctica).  In 2009 36 Billion $ worth of pizza was sold in the United States.

Does this mean that thru marketing it is possible to lower consumer expectations of quality simply by consistently providing low quality product?  I think most ppl would agree a canned mushroom and sip of Bud aren’t very high quality products, but they sell at or near the top trumping many other more high quality products?  Food (and drink) for thought.

Number and facts were found on Wikipedia and ratebeer.com.

Recent Happenings

No better way to start your day!  I swear that is for 2 people. 

This project involved sprouting a garlic clove that got away from us and hid on the shelf for too long, and a vinegar infusion with dill and Spicehound pickling spice blend.  Letting is sit for a few months should do the trick.

Before

After!

Death to and old friend.  RIP ol'e mixer.

Empenadas at Barroco Grill are very good.

Churros at Barroco finished of a great meal there.  If you haven't been, you should.

Making the Most of Fennel at Home

 Trimmed fennel, the bulb about the size of a baseball.

I really appreciate fennel.  I have never had it in a form or flavoring that I didn’t fully enjoy.  Unfortunately it is relatively expensive especially if trimmed and prepped in a way I have done in restaurants in the past.  I got one small head of fennel from the West Side Market earlier this week and it cost a solid $3.  I didn’t core it, and used a lot more of the stalk portion than I’ve ever used in the past.  There were no adverse results as I expected there to be some tough or stringy pieces.  This was not even close to one of the larger heads of fennel I’ve seen so this might not be the case for all sizes of fennel.  Also, I was able to successfully stretch out the flavor of the fennel with an equal part of green cabbage cooked in the same way as the fennel.  Lastly I seasoned the whole mess with fennel salt from Spicehound. 

 Caramelized Fennel at Home

One head of fennel

Equal amount green cabbage

One garlic clove per head of fennel

Half one orange per head of fennel

Fennel salt and pepper

I remove the top two inches of the fennel stalks, assuming your whole piece of fennel included bulb and fonds, if not just remove a thin slice.  Chop the stalks into rounds the same thickness that you slice the bulb.  Slice the cabbage to a similar thickness but keep separate.  Rough chop garlic and also hold separate.  Start by deeply caramelizing the fennel on med-high heat in a 50/50 mixture of oil and butter.  After removing the fennel from the pan sear the cabbage on high heat in a similar mixture of fats.  Toss garlic with seared cabbage and cook over reduced heat for one minute then squeeze orange over pan of which the fennel and seasoning have been added.  On low heat cook for another 5 minutes.  Pairs well with sweet potatoes, red meat, or hearty fish.

Not what's there, but what I see

I have come late to the bus as far as the Chowhound chat boards.  I found it quite delightful to find some interesting and beneficial insight opposed to the same 8 people bickering among themselves in the comments of every post like what I found on the Cleveland dot Com food and wine forum.  In a way I’ve found the same thing on a more global basis, but much more civilized and productive to my cause which is education either of myself or helping others with what I know.  There are some feeds lately which I’ve found disturbing especially in light or lack thereof with the shadow of the Slow Food debacle currently taking place.  I’d like to take a moment and parody not what is actually there, rather what I read to myself on the average Chowhound message board.

Topic:  I want to make an exceptional grilled cheese Sammy, any suggestions?

Re: I like ham and cheese

                Re: I suppose you don’t care about the bread

                Re: good jab dude!

                Re: I like white bread

                                Re: do you like to eat chemicals and die?

                Re: good jab dude!

                Re: I like organic, sustainable, locally produced bread from a friend of mine in Jackson Hole and that is the only bread I have ever used in my whole life!  Do not ever make any sandwich without it.

                Re: Wow that bread sounds great, but I’m not in JH

                Re: well here is the website, have it delivered….   www.expensiceassbreadfromthemiddleofnowehere.com

                Re: That bread is incredible, but would cost me $2 a slice to get delivered!

                Re: well I guess you hate the USA, the environment, the farmers in Wyoming, puppies and most likely are hired my Monsanto to promote basic white bread that everyone can afford and furthermore are in all chances a terrorist associated with al Qaeda and will eat a white bread sandwich as your last meal before becoming a suicide bomber.  I hate you and you suck.  Go to McDonalds jerk.

Re:  This is how I like to make a grilled cheese Sammy:

                First I buy a whole hog from an organic, sustainable locally produced farmer of which I drove my gas guzzling SUV 45 miles each way and had to fill up twice (fucking gas prices) and broke down myself in my totally unclean garage (ha ha ha) cause I like to restore Corvettes, I have like 20 or something..too many to count. Ha ha ha.  So I break down the hog myself with my super cool Asian knives from Itokumony, Japan which are totally awesome! And cut out the back quarter to make a ham.  I sold the rest of the pig to my friends at a super inflated price to cover the cost of my grilled cheese.  Next I take the ham section and brine it as described in Michal Rhulman’s book.  This takes only a few weeks, but I enjoy sitting and watching it while it happens since the pig died just for my sandwich.  Ha ha ha and I read more books like the Modernist Cuisine and all the El Bulli books.  If you don’t have them your just a hack of a home cook.  Ha ha ha. 

I don’t just watch the ham brine I also make the cheese.  I get totally organic sustainable, local goat milk from my neighbor….in California and have it shipped here, for super cheap cause they are dumb hippies and I sold them a pig ear for $20 a pound.  Ha ha ha.  So I make goat cheese and press it into squares and color it with organic, sustainable local annatto seeds that I bought in Mexico and mulled back to the USA in my colon, stupid terrorists.  Now if you can’t make your own cheese just don’t make a sandwich.

Now the bread has to be perfect…not from Jackson Hole, ha ha ha.  You could use the Bitterman no-kneed method if you’re a lazy terrorist Monsanto senator hippie jerk, but I’m not! So I get some wheat from my other neighbor, next to my vacation home in Prague,  whom I sold a hog ass hole for $30 a pound... I mean the pig only had one right…ha ha ha.  And some eggs from the guy across the street… from the dock where I keep my yacht in Miami, that I sold the pig’s colon for $40 a pound because he wanted to invite his rapper friends over for chitterlings. What are those anyhow? Ha ha ha.  After that I wanted something holy so I went to the great Amish country of Pennsylvania and procured a friend starter because I bought a new horse for a young man in a carriage.  I would have just given him a ride in my Buggati, but he was some kinda weirdo!  Yeast procured I went home to make my bread.  Honestly I stopped at a Chick-fil-a and it was awesome.  Just kidding, ha ha ha, not really ha ha ha.

So it’s been about 3 months since I wanted a grilled cheese but I’ve sustained on Greek yogurt and flax seeds in the time being.  I have cooked the hog leg, sliced the cheese, and baked the bread now let’s get to the nitty gritty.  Since I’m on a diet I’ll use margarine to lube my George Forman grille and delicately place my homemade self procured ancient age bread onto the grill topped with my organic, sustainable, local cheese and place myself made ham slices (who knows what to do with the other 5 pounds of ham).  Perfect grilled cheese.  Doing it any other way would be un-patriotic and if you do you’re a jerk who should be detained under the patriotic act and sent to Guantano Bay and waterboarded till near death while your fingernails are pulled out in an attempt to obtain why those fingernails have Mexican heroin and some weird red substance under them. Ha ha ha.

Re: wow that is a lot of work for a grilled cheese!

                Re:  your an ass, this is exactly how I make my grilled cheese

                Re:  me too (about 20 times repeated)

Re: thanks for all your suggestions.  I used some bread my girl picked up last week, but scraped off the green spots, and some Kraft American cheese that expired last year paired with Ham I got on sale at Wal-Mart.  Man it was awesome.  Thanks again!

Winter Roasted Cauliflower

Fresh vegetables have become somewhat scarce at the supermarket this time of the year, and simply boiling out of season flavor lacking vegetables is not all to appetizing.  I like cauliflower and the vinager, corriander, garlic flavor combination plays off the wholesome sweetness of roasted cauliflower in a very pleasing way.  I've also come to appreciate the results of microwaving cut potatoes.  They keep a nice texture, are time effeciant, clean, and are still accepting of flavors after a quick cooking.

Garlic Roasted Cauliflower

Half a large head cauliflower, cut into two inch pieces

Four large cloves of garlic, sliced thin

One tablespoon ground coriander

One teaspoon sugar

Two tablespoon olive oil

One generous teaspoon sherry vinegar

Salt & pepper 

Optional:

Twelve ounces potato, cut into wedges

Pre-heat oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit.  If you are adding the potatoes I cut them in wedges no larger than an inch and microwave for 4 minutes so they take as long in the oven as the cauliflower.  Toss everything in a bowl together and lay out onto a cookie sheet on a single layer.  Bake for 18 minutes then increase heat to 500 degrees and cook another 5 minutes. 

Organics Evolving?

On Friday, November 18, 2011, 90 pounds of tomatoes were harvested from the Victoria's Vegetables greenhouses. This may be the longest tomato growing season ever recorded in Central Oregon.

I found this piece in the New York Times by Elisabeth Rosenthal to be quite interesting.  I am not sure I agree that lumping the two terms Organic and Sustainability together is very fair.  To me they are seperate ideals but are so easily connected in a wholesome food system.  It is refreshing to see information about this topic so consumers aren't blindly flocking thru the snow to their closest mega-grocery and assuming everything is peachy between them and mother nature because their little plastic clamshell of tomatoes is labeled organic.  Good luck on your search for organics!

How to Make the Perfect Jell-O Shots

"Hello, this is Konrad.  Yes I've started the Jell-o shots.  Telegram all your friends this shin-dig should be outstanding."

You can catch this quick little video on Chow, or you can follow my even easier 12 step method to making the perfect Jell-O shots:

1.       Procure your favorite booze.  Usually vodka is used for making Jell-O shots, but anything works.

2.       Have a long pull off that freshly opened bottle then find your favorite flavor of instant Jell-O.  It will most likely be in the very back of the cupboard and dusty.

3.       Take a sip of booze and set measured amount of water to heat.

4.       Take a sip of booze, and then dissolve Jell-O mix into water.

5.       Take a sip of booze and reconsider adding any to the Jell-O at this point.

6.       Take a sip of booze while finding a proper container to portion the Jell-O.  One large bowl will be fine.

7.       Take a sip of booze, and make room in the refrigerator to chill the Jell-O.

8.       Take a sip of booze before retiring to the recliner for a nap.

9.       When you wake up you will have only a little bit of booze left and none in the Jell-O.  Not a problem!

10.   Take a final sip of booze as you will only need about 4 ounces to finish things off.

11.   Using a whisk stir the Jell-O into chunks and mix in the booze left that didn’t get drunk.  It only has to be enough to add bite.

12.   Spoon this spiked mixture into shot glasses and get a good laugh off the person who gets WASTED from your Jell-O shots.

Holiday TV Special

If you are somehow offended by the bullying of Rudolf, nudity or snowmen, or the occasional donning of gay apparel you most definitely do not want to do everything you can to watch No Reservations holiday special episode.  You can find some info here, and even more info here, but it will all make more sense after you've seen the full hour show.  I highly suggest you spend your time wisely and watch this very special holiday treat. 

If nothing else check out one of the gems I took from the show; Vegan Black Metal Chef.  There is equally something right and wrong with this, just like what Christmas has become. 

Coconut Curry Chicken and Carrots

This is a quick and easy recipe that brings some international flavor to a nice week-night diner.

Four pieces boneless chicken thighs

Twelve ounces carrots cut into inch chunks

One tablespoon chopped garlic

One medium sweet onion, sliced thin 

One tablespoon curry powder

Four ounces each chicken stock, coconut milk

One heaping tablespoon spicy mango chutney

 Trim chicken of skin to your liking.  I like some crispy skin, but usually trim chicken thighs by placing them skin side down on the cutting board and trimming any skin or fat that is not under the meat.  If you are completely removing the skin  then quarter chicken thighs because they will brown more and cook slightly quicker.  Using a non-stick skillet start chicken thighs skin down and cook until some fat is rendered then increase heat to medium-high.  I do this because the skin browns and crisps nicely opposed to putting them in a hot pan in which the skin tends to burn before it turnings crisp.  Season the chicken meat with salt and curry powder.  Once the skin has nicely browned flip then add the carrots, garlic and onion and cook this for about 5 minutes, but be sure not to burn the garlic.  Add the liquid to the chicken, reduce heat to medium-low and simmer for 30 minutes.  Finally add the chutney and increase heat and reduce till liquid in quite thick and coats the chicken.

Serve with plain brown rice and hot sauce.  If you have fresh ginger or coriander go ahead and use them, but I don’t keep them on hand at my home.

I like Killing Flies

I recently watched a documentary called “I Like Killing Flies”.  Due to the unique perspective of Kenny and the fact his station in life is behind a hot stove in a small kitchen I found the whole film quite interesting.  He offers more than 900 items on the menu, all from scratch in a kitchen the size of a walk-in closet, from which Mr. Shopsin runs his tiny family-owned Greenwich Village restaurant.  After spending his day feeding neighbors, during a lull in the cooking Kenny holds court for the camera offering up wisdom and wit on life, death, sex, politics and sometimes food.  After 32 years at the same storefront his family must find a new kitchen and this is also a major topic of the movie.  I highly suggest viewing this film, but if this sounds only somewhat interesting let me offer a few of Kenny’s more interesting observations.

On ones duty in life:

The first duty of everybody in life is to realize that they're a piece of shit. Selfish and self-centered and not very good. You're willing to sacrifice 20 thousand people in another country just so you can go to a Wings concert. You sacrifice the lives of a hundred thousand Chinese female babies just so you can rent this fucking camera and do your stupid art project. No problem! You're a piece of shit. Once you realize you're a piece of shit it's not so hard to take. Because then you don't have this feeling that you're a good person all the time. And let me tell you something, feeling that you're a good person all the time is like having a brand new car with no scratches on it. It's a real responsibility which is almost impossible to live up to. Being a piece of shit and then occasionally doing something that's good and true is a much easier place to be. I think that's really important and I always try to raise my kids to understand that they're not that terrific. And that not being that terrific, that's okay 'cause most people who say that they're terrific, Bill Clinton, Cardinal Egan, anybody you want to talk about, they're not so terrific. Martha Stewart, they're not so fucking terrific either. And there's nothing wrong with being not-so-terrific. In fact, it's what the whole ballgame is about, being not-so-terrific... and accepting it.

On a sour relationship with an exterminator:

A few years ago someone found a roach in their soup.  It certainly doesn’t mean anything in the history of the universe, but your relations with that person, is just you, them and the soup.  It’s a huge event of incompetence on your part…..They come to your place for something other than good food, satisfaction, and this women got nothing but abuse.  A horrendous event for both parties.

On his culinary standards:

It’s ok to do stupid things, not that we have high standard, but they are going to put it in their damn mouth.

On cooking:

Most of cooking is a matter of mechanics, not aesthetics, not cuisine.

On how to treat people:

They are all decent, people who treat other people with respect. It’s a mark of high civilization to treat people with respect who don’t deserve it so you try to treat everyone with a morality that makes you a good person regardless of if they deserve it or not.

Tangerine or Clementine?

A Tangerine is a small orange colored citrus fruit that is a subspecies of the Mandarin orange.  It is characterized by being much easier to peel, split into segments and less tart than an orange.  Tangerines have been cultivated in China for over 3,000 years.  Chinese tangerines were introduced to Florida and the U.S. market by a missionary, Rev. Barrington, in 1883.  Unlike oranges tangerines can be successfully grown from seed opposed to grafting which produces a more hearty cold resistant plant.  The word ‘tangerine’ was originally used to describe a native person of Tangier, Morocco in the early 1700’s but stuck as the name for the citrus fruit we now know during the 1800’s.

A clementine is also a subspecies of the Mandarin orange which is easily peeled and less tart than an orange.  Unlike a tangerine it is almost always seedless, and in fact has been marketed as a ‘seedless tangerine’ in the past.  Father Clement Rodier is said to have discovered an accidental hybrid citrus fruit in the garden of his orphanage in Algeria and this was the origin of what we call a clementine, but now know there is a genetically identical variety of citrus known as the Canton mandarin that has been growing in China for nearly 3,000 years.

Clementines were introduced into California as a commercial crop in 1914, but their market exploded in the U.S. after the historically harsh winter of 1997 devastated the domestic Florida orange crop.  Due to their short growing season, only from late November thru January and their increased price and decreased availability they have very recently been marketed as ‘Christmas Oranges’.

Creamy Brown Rice, Braised Greens, Pork Sausage

 
Creamy Brown Rice with Greens and Pork

Two slices bacon, cut in one inch lengths

Half pound spicy Italian sausage

One sweet onion, diced

Six garlic cloves, sliced

One bunch mustard or turnip greens, cut in one inch strips

One tablespoon honey 

Three cups water

Two cups chicken stock

Half cup brown rice 

In a heavy bottom pot begin to render the bacon.  After 5 minutes add the sausage and break up into small chunks and brown.  Sautee the onion and garlic over the meat until soft then stir in greens.  Add honey, liquid and rice then bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to low and cook uncovered for an hour and half or until the rice has begun to break down.  Lastly, season with salt, black pepper and tobacco sauce to taste.  Serves as a meal for two or a side dish for four. 

Brown rice (or "hulled rice") is unmilled or partly milled rice, a kind of whole, natural grain. It has a mild nutty flavor, is chewier and more nutritious than white rice.

Eggs Ghetto-dict

The origin of classic Eggs Benedict is somewhat fuzzy.  There are two conflicting stories that seem to be about 30 years apart in age.  Ironically almost everything else in either story is the same:  A banker type named Benedict wants something ‘different’ making  the kitchen produce a dish to their whim of which the maitre d’ ends up manipulating and respectively names Benedict and puts it on his menu.  Seems almost sarcastic as if to say, and I imagine it in a very snotty French accent, “You want to make up your own dish, fine, I will change it and forever connect your name with this horribly annoying preparation.  Ha.”  I’ve never had Eggs Benedict at a restaurant that I’ve actually enjoyed, but I do enjoy the idea of a poached egg on an English muffin.

Unlike what I’ve received on the local restaurant brunch buffet I like my muffin toasted, egg warm, and sauce to be more like a sauce and less like a cloying stabilized pad of cheap butter.   Since making Hollandaise sauce at home for a single portion is totally unrealistic toss that out the window.  Other than that I enjoy my ghetto Eggs Benedict.

 That’s right….Freshly toasted English muffin, runny poached egg, microwaved sandwich style ham, good ole’ American cheese topped with Sirachi hot sauce presented on a fine paper plate.  Hmmmm Hm!

Do it Yourself Oyster Mushrooms

Oh they joy of growing mushrooms!

Sometime doing things yourself can make financial sense and be a soul satisfying experience, very much unlike the home mushroom cultivating kit described by Florence Fabricant in today NYTimes. If you are not familiar with oyster mushrooms they are somewhat under satisfying. They lack a very distinctive flavor and/or texture and produce a mostly flaccid slimy cooked fungus product.


Instructions include placing box in a dark place and misting with water. Sounds like a nice place to do some serious reflection. Alone, in the dark, watching a box of mushrooms grow!?! If you escape the self-destructive depression this might induce you can take a picture of your bounty, post it to Facebook and receive a complimentary refill of mushrooms in mulch. Worth a try.

Thanksgiving Countdown Part 3

Remember as a kid when you read the mystery/choose your way book in which short episodes where capped with notations like, “turn to page 43 if you think Stephan chooses Culinary Arts or turn to page 52 if you think Stephan sticks with Microbiology.”  In this case, if you are going to work Thanksgiving good for you, but piss off if you think we are going to listen to your bitching about it for very long, and proceed to the next post.  For those of us who will be home bodies I suppose you could invest in some of the coming advice, but that is a questionable proposition at best.

Let’s assume the whole working on Thursday thing didn’t work out.  Oh well, time to move on….to the Liquor Store that is!  Going thru this whole thing completely sober is just ridiculous.  Not going to happen no matter how hard you try.  The same thing will happen completely sane of mind sober as if you are totally insane shit your pants puke on the turkey drunk.  That is you are going to get pushed to the limit of mental tolerance before lashing out at some asinine comment followed with a giggle of innocence meant to lower its infuriating potential.  Screw it, grab a bottle, share it, finish it, but for fucks sake don’t poop your grown up diaper.

My personal list of Thanksgiving libation suggestions goes like this:

Dark liquor: Wild Turkey 101.  Also known as where it all started.

Clear/tasteless:  Smirnoff Blue Label 100 proof vodka.  Just cause it has no flavor doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel it going down.  Beside from here on out it’s all cost comparative.

Clear/flavored: Bombay Blue Sapphire Gin.  Don’t waste any extra money on tonic, get a lottery ticket instead.  This Gin will thank you.

Beer:  Steel Reserve.  Best 22 on the market, don’t taste too bad either.

Wine:  Whatever the wife likes, obviously you’re not going to pick out the right wine!

Well, a trip to the liquor store alone might not fly with the high and mighty but a trip to pick up gravy is the exact double whammy that works for everyone.  Start with, “Honey let me run to the store and pick up some turkey gravy,” and trail off into a low mumbling yet 100% honest “and stop off at the liquor store.  Do you want anything?”  See perfectly honest.  Be sure to bring plenty of cash. No not for the liquid happiness, for the gravy since it will most likely be the single thing you can pour over that whole plate of Thanksgiving meal that might make it slide down your throat with the slightest disagreement.

Almost there, the pumpkin pie is almost in the oven.

Food Fashion Fusion

The work of Fulvio Bonavia.

Find more about Fulvio and his great photography here.

Thanksgiving Countdown Part 2

It’s been a restful wait since the great purge that began on the seventh day out.  Well rested, and most likely still overworked it is time to get cracking again.  Being just another fucking Saturday called in to work let us ride this wave of self tragedy like Kerry Mullis on his favorite long board.  Never mind we are happy to not be mending the lawn, whitewashing the picket fence, shampooing Fido, attending yet another mindless youth soccer match or assigned Glee club taxis duty.  Shifting into mindless drone on the clock is that much easier and damn right it will be come next Thursday when if all goes right we will be sucking up the ironic glory of straddling the high and mighty fence where the waves of guilt and pleasure collide.  The guilt is from others, “oh no poor me had to work today, and everyone misses me, that is the best gift any swell guy like me could give a co-worker on Thanksgiving.”  The pleasure, “Thank the unseen overlord of the universe for saving me from that diabolic spectacle of giving thanks and joy centered around overindulgence and family feud!”

Don’t just come out and ask, one most position himself.  This is like playing tic-tac toe with the devil: mostly ties, but eventually there will be a winner.  Try a one two punch like this for example, “Jee boss, will the company be up and running on Thanksgiving.  We are having the family at my house this year, but I know everyone else has obligations too.  If you need someone in the office I’ll take one for the team this year.”  Funnel the supposed rage on the way home from work.  If this is not easy try stopping off at some dump watering hole near the house set a flutter with college football fans, slug down two shots of tequila, and for everyone’s benefit don’t overdo it.  It is so good when it hit your lips though so go ahead and take two more like a man.  By the time you get home all slant eyed and stumbling don’t dare lie!  Stick this one out.  You DID stop off after work for a drink.  Because, “I’m so upset honey.  I just wanted a nice Thanksgiving with the family, but that fucking soul sucking whore of a boss is making Jhonny and I come in and run the whole place those penny pinching bastards can’t give a hard working man like me a single day off.”  If everything has gone right it is most likely within a short time you will be sitting in the recliner munching a handmade Dagwood, sipping craft beer, enjoying those afore mentioned college football games all the time no one will ever know the better and you can slip away into a deep and well deserved nap.  Mustering up such emotion on que is very taxing.  Wasting it all under fake context next Thursday under the vail of joy and happiness would just be criminal.

Don’t neglect the shrine.  Keep it in a shoebox under the bed, or let it take up the whole nightstand, who cares.  It is yours so be proud of it.  It is my opinion that every good shrine has three tiers:  Level one is made up of the usual and acceptable culprits.  You will likely know them by a single name, Mario, Emerill, Rachel, Martha, Julia, Bobby, Guy, Tony or Gordan.  This is the easiest tier to build as these icons image has been seared into our weak and feable minds over many years and some of us would not know so much as how to order take out without their guidance.  While this top tier is heavily populated.  It can also feel somewhat hollow and emotionally detached as that is why we create the second tier of our shrine.  The second tier subjects are more personal.  Characters we feel more comfortable liking in light of the fact that bitch from work might not feel so inclined to enshrine them.  Level two of the shrine is one that you are willing to share, but only with someone who has also captured the essence of all your mutual first tier suspects.  Most level two subjects are culled from similar places; The Cooking Network, PBS, late night re-runs, or one off appearances that left a lasting impression.  The final tier is very special to most shrine constructers as this is where they keep what would be considered the, ‘ace in the hole’ or the secret culinarian that you hope with all your heart never ascends to the top because they are yours, and yours alone like when you were the first kid to score some porn and actually thought any of the girls in Big Busty Black Butts Volume 63 might be anywhere in your future.  Oh those silly dreams.  After that analogy the now common phrase ‘food porn’ just seems a bit sick, but yes it is, and tier three is your own personal food porn collection.  It’s yours, go ahead and cherish it.  Build it but keep it hidden just like that copy of Volume 63.

Interesting Meat Art

Check out Mark Rydens work.  He is also the cover story for Juxtapose Magazine this month, a great publication for all your modern art needs.