Recent Happenings

No better way to start your day!  I swear that is for 2 people. 

This project involved sprouting a garlic clove that got away from us and hid on the shelf for too long, and a vinegar infusion with dill and Spicehound pickling spice blend.  Letting is sit for a few months should do the trick.

Before

After!

Death to and old friend.  RIP ol'e mixer.

Empenadas at Barroco Grill are very good.

Churros at Barroco finished of a great meal there.  If you haven't been, you should.

Making the Most of Fennel at Home

 Trimmed fennel, the bulb about the size of a baseball.

I really appreciate fennel.  I have never had it in a form or flavoring that I didn’t fully enjoy.  Unfortunately it is relatively expensive especially if trimmed and prepped in a way I have done in restaurants in the past.  I got one small head of fennel from the West Side Market earlier this week and it cost a solid $3.  I didn’t core it, and used a lot more of the stalk portion than I’ve ever used in the past.  There were no adverse results as I expected there to be some tough or stringy pieces.  This was not even close to one of the larger heads of fennel I’ve seen so this might not be the case for all sizes of fennel.  Also, I was able to successfully stretch out the flavor of the fennel with an equal part of green cabbage cooked in the same way as the fennel.  Lastly I seasoned the whole mess with fennel salt from Spicehound. 

 Caramelized Fennel at Home

One head of fennel

Equal amount green cabbage

One garlic clove per head of fennel

Half one orange per head of fennel

Fennel salt and pepper

I remove the top two inches of the fennel stalks, assuming your whole piece of fennel included bulb and fonds, if not just remove a thin slice.  Chop the stalks into rounds the same thickness that you slice the bulb.  Slice the cabbage to a similar thickness but keep separate.  Rough chop garlic and also hold separate.  Start by deeply caramelizing the fennel on med-high heat in a 50/50 mixture of oil and butter.  After removing the fennel from the pan sear the cabbage on high heat in a similar mixture of fats.  Toss garlic with seared cabbage and cook over reduced heat for one minute then squeeze orange over pan of which the fennel and seasoning have been added.  On low heat cook for another 5 minutes.  Pairs well with sweet potatoes, red meat, or hearty fish.

Not what's there, but what I see

I have come late to the bus as far as the Chowhound chat boards.  I found it quite delightful to find some interesting and beneficial insight opposed to the same 8 people bickering among themselves in the comments of every post like what I found on the Cleveland dot Com food and wine forum.  In a way I’ve found the same thing on a more global basis, but much more civilized and productive to my cause which is education either of myself or helping others with what I know.  There are some feeds lately which I’ve found disturbing especially in light or lack thereof with the shadow of the Slow Food debacle currently taking place.  I’d like to take a moment and parody not what is actually there, rather what I read to myself on the average Chowhound message board.

Topic:  I want to make an exceptional grilled cheese Sammy, any suggestions?

Re: I like ham and cheese

                Re: I suppose you don’t care about the bread

                Re: good jab dude!

                Re: I like white bread

                                Re: do you like to eat chemicals and die?

                Re: good jab dude!

                Re: I like organic, sustainable, locally produced bread from a friend of mine in Jackson Hole and that is the only bread I have ever used in my whole life!  Do not ever make any sandwich without it.

                Re: Wow that bread sounds great, but I’m not in JH

                Re: well here is the website, have it delivered….   www.expensiceassbreadfromthemiddleofnowehere.com

                Re: That bread is incredible, but would cost me $2 a slice to get delivered!

                Re: well I guess you hate the USA, the environment, the farmers in Wyoming, puppies and most likely are hired my Monsanto to promote basic white bread that everyone can afford and furthermore are in all chances a terrorist associated with al Qaeda and will eat a white bread sandwich as your last meal before becoming a suicide bomber.  I hate you and you suck.  Go to McDonalds jerk.

Re:  This is how I like to make a grilled cheese Sammy:

                First I buy a whole hog from an organic, sustainable locally produced farmer of which I drove my gas guzzling SUV 45 miles each way and had to fill up twice (fucking gas prices) and broke down myself in my totally unclean garage (ha ha ha) cause I like to restore Corvettes, I have like 20 or something..too many to count. Ha ha ha.  So I break down the hog myself with my super cool Asian knives from Itokumony, Japan which are totally awesome! And cut out the back quarter to make a ham.  I sold the rest of the pig to my friends at a super inflated price to cover the cost of my grilled cheese.  Next I take the ham section and brine it as described in Michal Rhulman’s book.  This takes only a few weeks, but I enjoy sitting and watching it while it happens since the pig died just for my sandwich.  Ha ha ha and I read more books like the Modernist Cuisine and all the El Bulli books.  If you don’t have them your just a hack of a home cook.  Ha ha ha. 

I don’t just watch the ham brine I also make the cheese.  I get totally organic sustainable, local goat milk from my neighbor….in California and have it shipped here, for super cheap cause they are dumb hippies and I sold them a pig ear for $20 a pound.  Ha ha ha.  So I make goat cheese and press it into squares and color it with organic, sustainable local annatto seeds that I bought in Mexico and mulled back to the USA in my colon, stupid terrorists.  Now if you can’t make your own cheese just don’t make a sandwich.

Now the bread has to be perfect…not from Jackson Hole, ha ha ha.  You could use the Bitterman no-kneed method if you’re a lazy terrorist Monsanto senator hippie jerk, but I’m not! So I get some wheat from my other neighbor, next to my vacation home in Prague,  whom I sold a hog ass hole for $30 a pound... I mean the pig only had one right…ha ha ha.  And some eggs from the guy across the street… from the dock where I keep my yacht in Miami, that I sold the pig’s colon for $40 a pound because he wanted to invite his rapper friends over for chitterlings. What are those anyhow? Ha ha ha.  After that I wanted something holy so I went to the great Amish country of Pennsylvania and procured a friend starter because I bought a new horse for a young man in a carriage.  I would have just given him a ride in my Buggati, but he was some kinda weirdo!  Yeast procured I went home to make my bread.  Honestly I stopped at a Chick-fil-a and it was awesome.  Just kidding, ha ha ha, not really ha ha ha.

So it’s been about 3 months since I wanted a grilled cheese but I’ve sustained on Greek yogurt and flax seeds in the time being.  I have cooked the hog leg, sliced the cheese, and baked the bread now let’s get to the nitty gritty.  Since I’m on a diet I’ll use margarine to lube my George Forman grille and delicately place my homemade self procured ancient age bread onto the grill topped with my organic, sustainable, local cheese and place myself made ham slices (who knows what to do with the other 5 pounds of ham).  Perfect grilled cheese.  Doing it any other way would be un-patriotic and if you do you’re a jerk who should be detained under the patriotic act and sent to Guantano Bay and waterboarded till near death while your fingernails are pulled out in an attempt to obtain why those fingernails have Mexican heroin and some weird red substance under them. Ha ha ha.

Re: wow that is a lot of work for a grilled cheese!

                Re:  your an ass, this is exactly how I make my grilled cheese

                Re:  me too (about 20 times repeated)

Re: thanks for all your suggestions.  I used some bread my girl picked up last week, but scraped off the green spots, and some Kraft American cheese that expired last year paired with Ham I got on sale at Wal-Mart.  Man it was awesome.  Thanks again!

Winter Roasted Cauliflower

Fresh vegetables have become somewhat scarce at the supermarket this time of the year, and simply boiling out of season flavor lacking vegetables is not all to appetizing.  I like cauliflower and the vinager, corriander, garlic flavor combination plays off the wholesome sweetness of roasted cauliflower in a very pleasing way.  I've also come to appreciate the results of microwaving cut potatoes.  They keep a nice texture, are time effeciant, clean, and are still accepting of flavors after a quick cooking.

Garlic Roasted Cauliflower

Half a large head cauliflower, cut into two inch pieces

Four large cloves of garlic, sliced thin

One tablespoon ground coriander

One teaspoon sugar

Two tablespoon olive oil

One generous teaspoon sherry vinegar

Salt & pepper 

Optional:

Twelve ounces potato, cut into wedges

Pre-heat oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit.  If you are adding the potatoes I cut them in wedges no larger than an inch and microwave for 4 minutes so they take as long in the oven as the cauliflower.  Toss everything in a bowl together and lay out onto a cookie sheet on a single layer.  Bake for 18 minutes then increase heat to 500 degrees and cook another 5 minutes. 

Organics Evolving?

On Friday, November 18, 2011, 90 pounds of tomatoes were harvested from the Victoria's Vegetables greenhouses. This may be the longest tomato growing season ever recorded in Central Oregon.

I found this piece in the New York Times by Elisabeth Rosenthal to be quite interesting.  I am not sure I agree that lumping the two terms Organic and Sustainability together is very fair.  To me they are seperate ideals but are so easily connected in a wholesome food system.  It is refreshing to see information about this topic so consumers aren't blindly flocking thru the snow to their closest mega-grocery and assuming everything is peachy between them and mother nature because their little plastic clamshell of tomatoes is labeled organic.  Good luck on your search for organics!

How to Make the Perfect Jell-O Shots

"Hello, this is Konrad.  Yes I've started the Jell-o shots.  Telegram all your friends this shin-dig should be outstanding."

You can catch this quick little video on Chow, or you can follow my even easier 12 step method to making the perfect Jell-O shots:

1.       Procure your favorite booze.  Usually vodka is used for making Jell-O shots, but anything works.

2.       Have a long pull off that freshly opened bottle then find your favorite flavor of instant Jell-O.  It will most likely be in the very back of the cupboard and dusty.

3.       Take a sip of booze and set measured amount of water to heat.

4.       Take a sip of booze, and then dissolve Jell-O mix into water.

5.       Take a sip of booze and reconsider adding any to the Jell-O at this point.

6.       Take a sip of booze while finding a proper container to portion the Jell-O.  One large bowl will be fine.

7.       Take a sip of booze, and make room in the refrigerator to chill the Jell-O.

8.       Take a sip of booze before retiring to the recliner for a nap.

9.       When you wake up you will have only a little bit of booze left and none in the Jell-O.  Not a problem!

10.   Take a final sip of booze as you will only need about 4 ounces to finish things off.

11.   Using a whisk stir the Jell-O into chunks and mix in the booze left that didn’t get drunk.  It only has to be enough to add bite.

12.   Spoon this spiked mixture into shot glasses and get a good laugh off the person who gets WASTED from your Jell-O shots.

Holiday TV Special

If you are somehow offended by the bullying of Rudolf, nudity or snowmen, or the occasional donning of gay apparel you most definitely do not want to do everything you can to watch No Reservations holiday special episode.  You can find some info here, and even more info here, but it will all make more sense after you've seen the full hour show.  I highly suggest you spend your time wisely and watch this very special holiday treat. 

If nothing else check out one of the gems I took from the show; Vegan Black Metal Chef.  There is equally something right and wrong with this, just like what Christmas has become.