Big Time Review

I haven’t been out to eat much as money if very tight right now, but I wanted to ‘review’ something. So I’ll give a review of the last meal I cooked at home.

I give myself no stars.

The setting was familiar. I do appreciate a television in the bar area, but to be seated about 8 feet from one is not ideal for a decent meal, but wait, the meal might well be considered sufficient instead of decant. Plus, if the television has anything beside sports on during a meal it is considered a distraction, and I consider OC Housewives a distraction.

The service was horrible. The server (me) had limited wine knowledge, but a good grasp of bourbon…as in he had some in his hand. The flatware was strewn about the table without regard and a single somewhat dirty cloth towel was thrown down in leuw of a proper napkin. Glasses went empty unless you got up and got yourself another drink, and the dirty plates stayed on the table for a good 12 hours or so. On the good side I think there was a candle lit somewhere in the room, for ambiance of course.

The food was digestible at best, not so much nourishing, but edible and tasty. Everyone likes chicken breast right? No, its crap, but it’s cheap. So it’s a sauté of chicken breast with Spanish rice and broccoli. A whole two pans were used to prepare this meal, so that makes it fancy for a home cooked meal. I don’t know exactly what made the rice the chef (me) poured out of the bag ‘Spanish’ but I’m sticking with that description. The heavy additions of butter, salt, and hot sauce made this concoction edible. I would only eat this meal again if I was starving at 11pm…..and this is likely to happen.

We were not greeted by nor sent away with a folly from a matre’d. There was no offer of coffee, after dinner drinks of port of cognac, nor was a single desert offered. While the setting was ‘homey’ and the meal was ‘edible’ at the very best I have s sneaking suspicion that there are many meals like this in my future.

Please call for reservations as we are very busy. BYOB/W/Booze. There is no valet, and there is no elevator or handicap access. The washroom is unisex, and there is only one community table. Absolutely no special request are taken nor are temp’s on steaks or any other special requests that don’t involve a microwave. Gratuity is accepted only in adult beverages, and we are not responsible for anything that happens before, during, or after you leave the premise. Thank you.