Top Ten Keys to a Successful Thanksgiving 2011
10. Throw out any current cooking magazines that might erroneously cause you to try something new. You only have one shot at this meal till next year so don’t screw it up.
9. Cook the Turkey same as the past 10 years.
8. Cook the green bean casserole same as the past 10 years.
7. Cook the stuffing same as the past 10 years.
6. Try not to cook twice as much food as needed. Lying to yourself that anyone really will enjoy leftovers is not part of anyone’s reality.
5. Throw out any forthcoming cooking magazines that extol the fantastic creations that can be made with Thursday’s leftovers. The dog will enjoy this much more than your human friends.
4. Secretly volunteer to work that day.
3. Invest in one top shelf bottle of liquor. Don’t overdo it as the climax of positive results has the potential to spiral downward rather quickly.
2. Find the best gravy you can and consider applying it in heavy doses to everything you plan to and/or in an act of compassion toward the cook place on your gloriously overflowing Thanksgiving plate.
1. Take great pains to capitalize on the openness of other to let you watch football, nap, and overindulge. Consider it resting up for the rest of the year.